My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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