So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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