Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
