There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
