girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize