my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
