he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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