i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
