Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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