wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
