Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
