eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
