Im at strip club and am horny
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
