does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
