i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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