I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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