She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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