so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
