I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
whose ass print is on the piano?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
