I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
