Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
