I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
