Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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