You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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