My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
