apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
