I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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