1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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