kristin has been a bad kristin
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
