sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
