Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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