I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
