Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
