you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
