you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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