I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
