i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
