my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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