Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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