walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
