I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
