I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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