mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
