What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
