So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
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Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
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I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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