Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
