guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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