What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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