Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
