dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
