Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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