You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
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I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize