Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
