oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
