just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
