She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
