just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
