i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
