A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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