Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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